Seeing Me Through
by jimmyschick
Summary: A tradegy brings Kim and Jimmy together. Sucky summary, better story.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Seeing Me Through-chapter 1  
  
Disclaimer: Really, truly honestly, don't own Third Watch.  
  
Author's Note: I had to take a break from my other story to write this. It's been rattling around my head for the last couple weeks. Ahhh, sweet relief. Hope you enjoy!  
  
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Kim sat in the darkened nurse's lounge room with Mrs. Taylor. She didn't want to be the object of everyone's pity before she felt a little stronger. Kim sat next to her on the couch and had her arms wrapped around the crying woman.  
  
Mrs. Taylor pulled away slightly and looked up. "After Alex's father died, I just didn't even think it was possible for something like this to happen again. You never expect to have to bury your children," she cried.  
  
Kim felt the tears stinging her eyes, but knew she had to be strong for her, "I can't imagine what you're feeling. If anything ever happened to Joey, I don't know what I'd do," Kim held her hand tight in hers.  
  
"I don't know what to do either. This was my baby girl. She was supposed to get married and have kids and life a long and full life. I'm not supposed to be burying my daughter," she broke down again.  
  
Kim pulled her back into her embrace and rubbed her back soothingly. After a while, she pulled back and looked at her, "You have to know that she was so brave. The only thing she was worried about was you. She wasn't in pain and she wasn't afraid. She just wanted you to know that she loved you. You were her last thought," Kim squeezed her hand, forcing herself to remain in control. She had to do this. For Alex.  
  
Mrs. Taylor smiled through her tears, "I already miss her and it's only been a few hours. How am I supposed to go without her for the rest of my life?"  
  
Kim didn't know how to answer, but drew her sobbing form back into her arms. There was nothing more to say. Nothing that could change what happened and nothing that could comfort. All she could do is be there and hold her.  
  
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Jimmy burst through the hospital doors looking panicked and disheveled. He ran to the front desk frantically, scaring the nurse at the desk. "I need to see Kim Zambrano. Where is she?"  
  
The nurse looked at the computer and frowned, "Sir, there's no one here by that name."  
  
Jimmy slammed his fist on the desk, "You're wrong! I know she's here. You have to tell me where she is!"  
  
The nurse looked frightened and scooted away from the desk, "I'm sorry, sir, but there is no one in the computer by that name."  
  
Jimmy was about to jump over the desk and wring the nurse's neck when D.K. ran over and pulled Jimmy away from the desk to look at him. "Jimmy! Calm down! What's going on?"  
  
Jimmy jerked away from D.K.'s hold, "Where is she? I saw what happened and they won't tell me where she is."  
  
D.K. looked down sadly, "Jimmy, she died at the scene. There was nothing anyone could do."  
  
"Where is she?! I'm not gonna ask you again!" Jimmy yelled and pulled D.K. by the lapels of his coat. His eyes were wide and the tears were dripping off his face. His entire body shook.  
  
D.K. roughly pulled him off, "It's done, man!" he yelled, but quickly calmed and held him by the shoulders, "It's over. You don't want to see her. There's nothing to be done. Her mom is in the nurse's lounge. They're waiting for her to fill out some papers."  
  
Jimmy's grip on D.K.'s wrists clenched and unclenched. He tried desperately to calm his breathing down. He closed his eyes in confusion, "How can her mom be here? She's at home with Joey."  
  
D.K. frowned in bewilderment, "Joey? Why would Alex's mom be with Joey? She's been here for the past hour and a half."  
  
Jimmy's heart skipped a beat. "Alex's mom? You mean, Alex is the paramedic that was killed in the accident?" he asked, shaking.  
  
D.K.'s jaw dropped in understanding, "You thought it was Kim."  
  
"I saw it on t.v. It said a female paramedic from the 55 was killed in the line of duty. I don't understand. Alex was the one who died?" he asked in confusion.  
  
"Yeah, man. The new medic never showed up today and they were short. Doc made Alex ride today," he explained.  
  
Jimmy felt like his legs were gonna give out. He was overwhelmed with emotions. Words couldn't express the utter joy he felt in knowing that Kim was alive, but at the same time a new wave of grief hit him for the loss of a fellow firefighter and friend. "Oh my god," he whispered. He looked in the direction of the lounge, "I have to see her," he said, referring to Kim.  
  
D.K. hugged him briefly then pulled back, "She's is in the lounge with Mrs. Taylor. She went with Davis to pick her up and is trying to calm her down."  
  
Jimmy gave a grateful hug to D.K. and quickly walked down the hall to the nurse's lounge.  
  
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Kim was still holding Mrs. Taylor in her arms when she saw Jimmy hovering at the window trying to get her attention. She pulled away and looked at her, "I'll be back in a few minutes, ok?"   
  
Alex's mom nodded and let her go, "Take your time. I need to be alone for a while."  
  
Kim walked closed the door behind her quietly. She turned around and met Jimmy's stricken gaze, "Hey. I was gonna call you to let you know, but I had to stay with her."  
  
Jimmy nodded and glanced in the room through the blinds, "How is she?"  
  
"Devastated," Kim replied. She looked around to see what was going on. "Did one of the guys call you?"  
  
"No. I saw it on the news and came as soon as I heard," he answered sadly.  
  
"Where's Joey?" she asked in concern. "You didn't bring him here, did you?"  
  
"No. Your mom is at my apartment with him," he said.  
  
"Have you heard anything new with, Lieu?" she asked, scared to hear the answer.  
  
Jimmy shook his head, "No. I just got here a few minutes ago and wanted to find you. Did he get hurt too?" he asked in horror.  
  
Kim sighed and leaned back against the wall, suddenly feeling drained. "Yeah. When the car exploded, he was burnt really bad. They don't know if he's gonna make it or not."  
  
Jimmy couldn't process all this new information. He looked at Kim's exhausted features. "Kim, you need to call your mom."  
  
"I'll talk to her later," she rubbed her hands over her face.  
  
"No. You have to call her right now. Kim....we thought it was you," Jimmy choked out, feeling the tears well up again at the memory.  
  
Kim looked at him in confusion, "You thought what was me?"  
  
"We both saw it on the news. The only thing they said was that a female paramedic from the 55 was killed at the sight. I didn't know Alex was riding today." Jimmy couldn't stop the tears from spilling over, "Kimmy, I thought it was you." He pulled her forward and wrapped her in his arms tightly.  
  
Kim hugged him back in shock. Both he and her mother thought she had died. She felt an intense wave of guilt rush over her. She should have called. "Jimmy, I'm ok. I'm right here," she whispered.  
  
He pulled back, but didn't let her go, "I've never been so scared in my life. I thought I would never see you again. I thought I lost you," he whispered hoarsely.  
  
"Hey guys," D.K. walked up to them, fighting tears of his own.  
  
Kim pulled away from Jimmy. "What? What happened?"  
  
He cleared his throat, "Lieu just passed. They said the damage was to extensive and he couldn't fight any longer. Said it was a miracle he lasted as long as he did. We're all with his family now if you wanna come," he said and walked away sadly. Kim looked towards the large group of firefighters and medics that were surrounding the family. She had never seen the men of her station look so lost.  
  
Kim wiped away the tears that had fallen and looked at Jimmy. "I'm gonna call my mom and let her know I'm alright. I'll be there in a minute."  
  
Before Jimmy could respond, walked away and he watched her go. He felt like he never would let her out of his sights again 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Seeing Me Through-chapter 2  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Third Watch, I would be so much happier than I am  
  
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Jimmy knew there was something wrong with Kim. It had been three and a half weeks since the accident and things were still somber at the house, but were slowly getting a little easier. It was hard with all the reminders of both Alex and Lieutenant Johnson around, but they were slowly starting to heal. But something was wrong with Kim.  
  
He was afraid because she was doing the same thing as she did when Bobby died. Acting like everything was ok and nothing was bothering her. He thought it was a little strange that she hadn't cried very much at the hospital, but he knew she was trying to be strong for Mrs. Taylor. He thought she would break down later and mourn for the loss of her best friend, but it never came. And that worried him.  
  
Jimmy walked up to Carols and pulled him aside, "Hey can I ask you something?" he asked seriously.  
  
"Yeah, sure. What's up?" he responded.  
  
"You've been riding with Kim lately. Does she seem ok to you?" Jimmy asked and glanced at Kim cleaning the bus out.  
  
"No crazier than usual if that's what you're asking," he smirked.  
  
Jimmy returned his annoyed gaze back to Carlos, "I'm serious, Nieto. Does she seem like she's alright or not?"  
  
"Look, I'm not her babysitter. I don't pay that close attention to her. You wanna know how she is, why don't you ask her?" he bit out in true Carlos fashion and huffed away.  
  
Jimmy curled his lip at his retreating form and went to look for Doc. It was his last week at the house and he hadn't seen much of him lately. He found him at the kitchen table doing some paperwork.  
  
"Hey Doc. You got a sec?"  
  
"Sure. What's up," he tossed his pen down and looked up.  
  
"I was just wondering if Kim seems like she's doing ok to you," he asked.  
  
"Seems like she's alright. Why?" he asked in confusion.  
  
Jimmy leaned back and sighed, "I don't know. It's just she never seemed to really get too upset about what happened, and all that stuff with that Noble guy. I'm just worried she might be holding it all inside."  
  
Doc crossed his arms in contemplation, "You worried she might do something destructive again?"  
  
"I don't know. It just doesn't seem like she's working through any of this and I'm scared for her. I don't want what happened the last time to happen again," he shuddered at the memory.  
  
Doc nodded his head slowly in agreement, "I'll keep my eye on her for the rest of the week. You might wanna think about talking to her about your concerns if you're really that worried."  
  
The fire bell rang and Jimmy and Doc stood, "Yeah. I'll keep that in mind."  
  
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Kim was fixing herself some coffee when she saw Doc coming towards her. "It's not gonna be the same without you here," she smiled.  
  
Doc smiled back and sat down at the table with her, "It'll be weird not to come here every day," he admitted. He hesitated before going on, "How are you feeling about taking over down here?"  
  
"Well, I have some big shoes to fill, but I'm looking forward to the challenge," she smiled.  
  
"So you're not feeling overwhelmed by all the additional responsibility that you'll have," he asked.  
  
"I have to admit, I'm a little nervous, but I wouldn't say overwhelmed," she answered and sipped her coffee.  
  
"You know, we could get someone to come and take over, just for a while, until things are more settled down," he offered cautiously.  
  
Kim's brow furrowed, "Doc, am I missing something here?"  
  
"I'm just saying, there's no rush on this thing. If you need some time to work things out, I would understand."  
  
It dawned on Kim what he was getting at, "Doc, I appreciate the concern, but I'm ok. Really. I have been working things out on my own and it has been hard, but I'm ready for this. I can do it," she reassured him.  
  
"I have no doubt in your ability to do the job, and do it well, but maybe you should wait a while longer. Maybe talk to someone, just to get things out in the open," he said gently.  
  
"Doc, I'm really ok. I don't need to talk to anyone. I talked to the grief counselor just like everyone else and she didn't seem to have any concerns, so neither should you. I can do this," she said again, desperately wanting to convince him.  
  
Doc sat back and smiled, "Yeah. I know you can. Just take care of yourself ok," he smiled. He watched her walk away and sighed in concern, hoping to God that she was right. 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Seeing Me Through-chapter 3  
  
Disclaimer: If you think I own Third Watch, you're delusional.  
  
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Kim had been in charge of the medics at the 55 for 3 weeks now. It was a whole lot more work, but it was a way to not think about anything else that was going on. She missed Alex more than she knew what do with, but she had to get over that. She wasn't gonna let what happened last time happen again. Doc's concern was a big tip off. She knew that everyone was watching her now and had to be careful of what she said and the moods she was in.  
  
Kim was sitting at the table and doing some paperwork when Jimmy came and sat down at the table. "Busy day?" he asked casually.  
  
"Yeah. That's the only problem about going on so many runs; all the paperwork," she smiled wryly.  
  
"How's the new medic working out," he asked.  
  
Kim's form stiffened a little. It was because of the new medic that Alex had been riding the bus that day. She was having a hard time being professional when her friend had died because of this guy. "He's alright. Haven't heard any complaints," she stated coolly.  
  
Jimmy had noticed the shift in her demeanor, " And Carlos doesn't mind riding with him?"  
  
"I haven't asked," Kim said, busying herself with paperwork.  
  
"So I was thinking maybe I could take Joey this weekend and give you some time off. I know you've been under a lot of pressure lately and was thinking you might enjoy some time off," he offered.  
  
And there it was. Kim had wondered how long it was gonna take for Jimmy to come and give her a hard time. Ever since Doc had expressed some concern, she was sure Jimmy wouldn't be far behind. Kim looked up and stared at him, "I don't need time off."  
  
"You should go and do something fun this weekend. Do something to relax," he tried again.  
  
Kim was forcing herself not to explode yet. "Jimmy, why don't you just say whatever it is that you want to say," she said coldly.  
  
Jimmy frowned in confusion, "What I want to say? I'm not saying anything. I just thought you might need the weekend to yourself."  
  
"Did you say something to Doc before he left," she asked, crossing her arms in a defensive manner.  
  
"About what?" he asked, still lost.  
  
"Did you say that you didn't think I could handle this job?" Kim asked, quickly losing her patience for this game.  
  
Jimmy noticed she was getting more agitated, "No. Why would I ever say that?"  
  
"Because it's what you think," Kim stated matter-of-factly.  
  
Jimmy was completely lost in the conversation. He briefly wondered if that's what Doc made what he said sound like. It was true, he was getting increasingly worried about her, but he hadn't planned on saying anything. "Kim, I never said anything like that to Doc. I don't think you can't do this job," he tried to defend himself.  
  
"Did you tell him that you were worried about me?" she asked, her arms tightening around herself.  
  
Jimmy contemplated lying to her, but went with the truth, "I asked him if he thought you were alright."  
  
Kim scooted to the edge of her chair and gripped the table, "How could you do that to me?" she whispered violently, not wanting to draw attention to their argument.  
  
"Kim, I only asked because I was worried about you. It didn't seem like you were ok, and I wanted to make sure," he whispered back calmly.  
  
"Then you should have come to me! I would have told you I'm fine and we could have dropped the subject. You went to Doc and made him second guess his decision about my promotion because he was worried I couldn't handle it. How could you do that? Don't you ever think?" she spat out.  
  
Jimmy flinched in shock, "Kim, I never meant for him to second guess-"   
  
"Well he did!" she cut him off, "You never think of anybody but yourself. And now you wanna take Joey for the weekend because you don't think I can handle what happened. We have an agreement Jimmy. This weekend was my turn. You are not gonna do this to me again," she said standing, her voice raising in anger.  
  
Jimmy's mouth opened in shock and his eyes wide, "Kim, I'm not doing anything! The only reason I said anything was because I was worried about you. And as for this weekend, I was just trying to help."  
  
"I don't need your help!" she yelled. Some of the guys turned to see what the commotion was.  
  
Jimmy stood and held up his hands in submission, "Kim, calm down. I never meant anything by it. I just don't want what happened last time to happen again.  
  
Kim just stared at him, her eyes filling with angry tears. She knew that the other guys were listening. What had happened last time was something no one ever brought up. She was furious that he just had, "Are you gonna hold that against me forever?" her voice shook. "I'm not going to do that again. It was a mistake and I'm sorry it happened, but it's not gonna happen again. You have no right to hold that over my head. It's not like you've never done anything to hurt Joey," she accused.  
  
Jimmy reeled from the low blow, "I'm not holding anything against you, Kim. I'm just worried about you and I thought you could use some time to work through what happened."  
  
"How I work through my problems is my business and not yours. Just because you don't think I'm ok doesn't mean I'm not," she shook with fear and anger. "If you're planning on using that against me so I can't see Joey, you better prepare yourself for some serious fighting! You cannot keep me from my son!" she knocked over the chair in her wake, leaving Jimmy to stare after her.  
  
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"Excuse me. Do you know where I can find Kim Zambrano?" Mrs. Taylor asked.  
  
Jimmy turned around, about to answer, but stopped short, "Mrs. Taylor? Hi, I'm Jimmy Doherty."  
  
"Oh yes. Alex has told me about you. You rode together, right?" she asked.  
  
Jimmy smiled sadly, "Yeah. She was a great firefighter."  
  
Mrs. Taylor smiled, "Yes she was. Just like her father."  
  
"Kim is upstairs cleaning up. I can walk you up there if you'd like," he offered.  
  
"I think I can find it," she smiled. "Thank you, Jimmy. It was nice to meet you."  
  
Jimmy smiled and Mrs. Taylor made her way up to where Kim was. She was sitting on the bed, staring off into space. "I hope I'm not intruding."  
  
Kim jumped when she heard the voice, but smiled when she saw who it was, "No. Of course not. I was just washing the day off me, getting ready to go home. What brings you by here?"  
  
"The lieutenant called me and asked me if I wanted to come by and pick up Alex's things," she smiled sadly.  
  
"They could have sent them to you. You shouldn't have had to come all the way down here," Kim stated.  
  
Mrs. Taylor sat on the bed across from Kim's, "They offered, but I wanted to come down and see you," she smiled at the look of confusion on Kim's face. "I never got to thank you for being so wonderful to me and my family that night."  
  
Kim smiled and chuckled nervously, "It was no problem."  
  
"Alex talked about you quite a bit. You two must have been close," she smiled.  
  
Kim chuckled and looked down, "I don't know when it happened. We never really talked in the beginning, and then we started to ride together. Before I knew what was happening, she was my best friend." She looked up and laughed, "It was nice to have another woman here to balance out those crazy guys we worked with."  
  
Alex's mom laughed, "The two of you were very brave."  
  
The smile faded from Kim's face, "How are you and Jamie doing?"  
  
She sighed, "It's hard. I miss her so much. Sometimes I half expect her to call or walk through the door. It takes a while for the reality to set in," she spoke from experience.  
  
"If there's anything I can do, just ask," Kim smiled sadly.  
  
"Well, actually there is. I wanted to come here and give you this," she handed Kim a small velvet box.  
  
Kim took it and opened it. It was the diamond necklace that she wore everyday. "Oh... I can't take this," Kim shut the box and tried to hand it back to Mrs. Taylor.  
  
"You asked me if there was anything you could do. It was supposed to be a gift from her father on her wedding day. It was very important to her. If you wear it, she and her father can be remembered. I know you all will have a special place for her, but the memories fade and you start to forget. I want you to remember. She would have wanted you to have it. You were so important to her," Mrs. Taylor smiled through her tears.  
  
The tears fell from Kim's eyes, "I'll never forget her. I promise you that. Never. 


	4. Chapter 4

Jimmy walked home slowly. It was already 1 a.m. It had been a long day. They had had tons of calls and the fight with Kim had drained him of all energy. He noticed someone sitting on the steps in front of his apartment. As he got closer, he saw that it was Kim.  
  
"Hey," he ventured cautiously, not wanting to scare her.  
  
Kim looked up and smiled slightly, "Hey."  
  
Jimmy noticed how out of it she looked. Her eyes were bloodshot and her nose was read, tell-tale signs that she was upset. Jimmy sat next to her, "You been here long?"  
  
"No. I went to my mom's, but I couldn't sleep so I started walking. Ended up here."  
  
"Joey at home with your mom?"   
  
"Yeah. He was out before I even got home."  
  
The two sat in silence out in the cold night. Kim started to shift nervously, "I should probably get goin'. I told my mom I wouldn't be out long," she stood.  
  
"Whoa! Wait a sec," Jimmy stood and reached for her arm. "You alright?"  
  
Kim looked around and shoved her cold hands in her jacket, "Yeah, I just..." she trailed off, shifting on her feet nervously.  
  
"You what," he asked gently, not wanting to push her.  
  
Kim finally looked at him, "I wanted to apologize for today. I know I lost it on you and said things I shouldn't have said. I'm sorry," she sniffed, her nose running from the cold.  
  
"It's ok. It's been a hard time for everyone," Jimmy smiled in understanding.  
  
Kim smiled, "I should go," she motioned to leave.  
  
"Wait a minute. Why don't we sit here for a second," Jimmy sat on the steps and motioned for her to sit too.  
  
Kim sat next to him, but turned her head so he couldn't see her face. She felt like an emotional wreck and wanted to leave, but sat in silence. A EMS bus sped by with it's lights blazing and sirens wailing and she watched it go by. "Alex's mom came by today," she said quietly, breaking the silence.  
  
"Yeah, I know. She asked me where she could find you. How's she doin'?" he asked, matching her quiet tone.  
  
"She gave me this," Kim said and pulled the velvet box from her coat pocket, handing it to Jimmy.  
  
He opened it and smiled slightly, "Isn't this the necklace Alex wore?"  
  
Kim chuckled humorlessly, "Yeah. I don't know why she decided to give to me."  
  
Jimmy looked at Kim's shaking form. He still couldn't see her face, but could tell she was on the verge of tears. Whether she was shaking from crying or the cold, he didn't know. "So why aren't you wearing it," he asked softly.  
  
Kim didn't answer and the silence returned. Another EMS bus sped by. "She was scared."  
  
Jimmy wasn't sure if she had said something or if he had imagined it. "What?"  
  
Kim turned her tearstained face to look at him, "Alex. She was scared. I saw her eyes. She was trying so hard to be brave, but she was scared," she cried.  
  
Jimmy's eyes filled and he pulled Kim close. His arms wrapped around her shaking form while he let her just cry. "It's ok, baby," he soothed.  
  
"It shouldn't have been her. It wasn't supposed to be her, Jimmy," she sobbed into his shoulder.  
  
The realization hit Jimmy. She was blaming herself for what happened. "Kim, there was nothing you could do," he whispered.  
  
"It should have been me. If she hadn't of been riding, I would have been on that car and she would still be alive," she choked out.  
  
Jimmy held her closer, "Don't ever say that," he said in a broken voice, tears falling down his face. "Don't ever wish that it was you. You don't know what would have happened if she hadn't been riding, so don't beat yourself up." Jimmy held her face between his hands, "This was not your fault, Kim. This was not your fault."  
  
Kim buried herself in Jimmy's arms, crying out all the fear and guilt and pain. After a few minutes, she calmed a little and pulled back a little, "I'm afraid," she whispered.  
  
Jimmy brushed some hair from her face, "Of what?"  
  
"I don't want what happened before to happen again, but I don't know how to deal with this," she whispered, a few tears still falling.  
  
The remembrance of what she had tried to do to herself sent a mental shiver through Jimmy, "It's not gonna happen again. You're not gonna go through this alone this time. I should have been there for you last time, but I'm here for you now. I promise you, you're not alone." He pulled her body back to his and they stayed that way for some time, grieving for the loss of a friend, but hopeful that things would get better.  
  
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Jimmy felt Kim shiver in his arms. He had lost track of how long they had been sitting on the steps outside. "Why don't we go inside and I can make us some coffee," he offered and kissed the top of her head, not loosening his grip on her.  
  
"I think my ass is frozen to the concrete," she smiled at the sound of Jimmy's laughter.  
  
Jimmy picked up his bag and pulled her up. They made their way into the apartment. Kim looked around tiredly, "I should probably call my mom and let her know I'm not dead in a ditch somewhere."  
  
Jimmy smiled, "Go ahead. I'll make the coffee."  
  
"Actually, could I have some hot chocolate? I don't want the caffeine," she yawned.  
  
"Sure," he smiled and went to the kitchen. He came back out to the living room to find Kim leaning back on the couch with her eyes closed. He smiled and sat down next to her, "You asleep?"  
  
"Heading that way," she mumbled and opened her eyes. "I should probably just head out while I can," she smiled.  
  
"Why don't you just stay here tonight?" he asked, laughing when he saw the incredulous look she gave him, "I didn't mean it that way."  
  
  
  
Her eyes narrowed suspiciously, "You always mean it that way," she teased.  
  
"Well, not this time. I'll take the couch and you can take the bed," he offered.  
  
"No. If I'm gonna stay, then I'll take the couch," she insisted.  
  
Jimmy rolled his eyes at her stubbornness, "Fine. I'll go get some blankets and stuff." Jimmy returned with two blankets and a pillow and found that they were unneeded. Kim was already curled up and asleep. He gently unzipped her jacket and replaced it with the blankets. He smiled at her peaceful form and kissed her on the head, gently stroking her hair. He stayed there for awhile, content to watch her sleep blissfully.  
  
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Kim awoke in the dark living room, temporarily disoriented. She hadn't slept that good in a long time. She quickly remembered where she was and smiled when she noticed she was all tucked in. She tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't do it. Thoughts of Alex bombarded her mind. She briefly wondered if Jimmy was awake, but decided he wasn't when she saw no light coming from his room.   
  
She was surprised at how quickly the desire to go in there and crawl under the cover with him creeped up on her. That would be a really bad plan. He had been so great, and taken care of her, not once making a pass. It would be a really bad idea to go in there and tempt the situation. It was what always happened. When she was upset she would make really stupid judgment calls and more than once found herself in his bed in an attempt to find comfort. Sad thing was, she usually did, but neither one of them knew what to do in the morning. He would usually try to convince her to stay, that is if he woke up before she snuck out.  
  
Her thoughts shifted to Noble. Wow. That guy had been a royal mistake. She saw the warning signs in the beginning when he stood her up, but decided to ignore them. He had turned out to be worse than she had thought. The news of his death hadn't really upset her so much as shock her. How could she have missed that the guy had been a raging druggie?  
  
The only guy she always went back to was Jimmy. Granted, their relationship had never been perfect, but there was something there. Something she couldn't find with anyone else. As screwed up as things had gotten between them, she knew she would die if she never saw him again. Maybe it was because they still saw each other everyday. Most divorced couples never see each other or talk unless they have to. Guess that was why the divorce took so long to sink in. That and they continued to sleep with each other, but, you know.  
  
The bottom line was, she felt things with Jimmy she never felt with anyone else. They fought like cats and dogs, but she felt safe with him. Growing up, her family life was so unstable and he had been the first person to make her feel solid. She missed that. She still missed him.  
  
Kim got up and walked to Jimmy's door. She leaned against it to see if she could hear anything and the door slipped open, causing her heart to thump loud in her chest. She waited for a sound, but nothing came. She gently opened the door and peeked in, seeing he was face down on the mattress. She quietly walked in, ignoring the warning bells that were going off in her head. She knew she shouldn't be in here, but she couldn't convince herself to leave.  
  
She quietly knelt on the floor and looked at his sleeping face. He really was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. She raised her hand to run through his hair, but pulled it back before she did. She sat in silence for a while and the thoughts of Alex came rushing back. This was the time of night when she usually thought of her. All the fun they had. That day. She felt the tears rush to her eyes and she wrapped her arms around her knees and laid her head on them and cried.  
  
Jimmy slowly came awake, aware that someone else was in the room with him. His eyes focused on a shaking blob in front of him. He blinked to clear his vision and remembered that Kim was here. He sat up slowly and slid off the bed and on to the floor. "Baby, what's the matter?" he reached out and rubbed her back.  
  
Kim looked up quickly, realizing she had been found out, "I'm sorry, I just wanted.." she stopped and tried to get up.  
  
"Wait a second," he stopped her from walking out. He pulled her to sit next to him on his bed. "You don't have to run away. Tell me what's going on."  
  
"I just started thinking about Alex and I needed to be next to you," she admitted, nervously playing with her shirt.  
  
Jimmy pulled the curtain of hair that was hiding her face away, "That's ok. You should have woken me sooner," he smiled.  
  
"I didn't mean to wake you at all," she looked at him pitifully. She was so messed up right now and had no idea what she was doing. "I just wanted to look at you," she sniffled.  
  
"Not much to look at at three in the morning," he chuckled.  
  
"Kim smiled and wiped at her eyes, "Yeah right. I wake up looking like 'Night of the Living Dead', and you wake up looking all GQ."  
  
Jimmy laughed, "You look pretty good to me."  
  
Kim didn't respond and the smile faded from her face. She knew where this was going and knew she should get out of there. She felt Jimmy scoot closer to her and she stiffened. "I should go back to sleep," she whispered inanely.  
  
"You could stay here with me if you want," he whispered hoarsely.  
  
Kim looked at him and saw the desire in his eyes. "I just screwed everything up, she smiled wryly.  
  
Jimmy gave a look of confusion, "How did you screw everything up?"  
  
"You cared about me enough to take care of me and you never made a pass. You were just genuinely nice, and I just messed that up by coming in here," she said, tears in her eyes again.  
  
Jimmy gave a small smile, "I hate to tarnish the saintly image you just gave me, but the thought had crossed my mind earlier."  
  
"Yeah, but you ignored it," she pointed out.  
  
"Go figure," he shook his head in disbelief, smiling when he saw her laugh.  
  
"It would be a really bad idea to do what we're both thinking," she said, trying to be serious.  
  
"Generally is," he snorted.  
  
She met Jimmy's gaze and held it, "I don't know if I'm emotionally able to handle the games we play that go with it. The guilt, flirtation..." she trailed off.  
  
Jimmy realized what she was saying. She didn't want another one of their one-stand nights. He might actually have to be an adult and be there for her the next morning. He thought about it for a second. Was he willing to do that just to sleep with her tonight? Absolutely. It was never him that wanted her to leave in the morning anyway.  
  
He put a finger under her chin, making her look at him, "How about we skip all that?" he smiled, but became serious, "I still miss you, Kimmy."  
  
Kim looked at him and didn't know if he was telling the truth. But she did know that was how she felt and that would have to be enough for tonight. "I miss you too," she whispered.  
  
She closed her eyes and felt Jimmy's lips press against hers. She opened hers slightly and felt him slant his head and kiss her deeper. His arms wrapped around her waist and hers wrapped around his neck. She opened her mouth wider and felt his tongue play with hers and moaned.   
  
Jimmy laid back slowly not holding her too tight in case she wanted to pull away. She didn't. Her leg swung over his body so that she was straddling his lap. He pulled her closer and moaned when he felt her push down on his groin. She sat up and he looked up at her through the dim light of the moon shinning through the window. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, the passion evident in his voice.  
  
Kim smiled slightly, but moved off of him and sat next to his reclined body. Jimmy watched her, but said nothing, not wanting to push her unless she wanted this. He propped up on his elbows and looked at her, "You ok?" he asked quietly.  
  
Kim looked at him, the concern evident in her features, "I don't know if I can do this."  
  
"Ok," Jimmy said and smiled, "That's ok. We don't have to if you don't feel like it." He leaned back against the pillows and pulled her against him. Her arm circled his waist and she cuddled close. "What are you thinking?" he asked quietly.  
  
"I never told Alex's mom that she was scared when she died. I lied to her and told her that she wasn't afraid," she whispered.  
  
"You told her what she needed to hear. You told her that her daughter was brave, and that was the truth," he squeezed her to him.  
  
"She was the only one of us that was brave that night," Kim agreed.  
  
Jimmy stayed silent, debating on whether or not he should say what he was thinking. "I had never been so scared in my entire life that night. I saw the accident and head what they said and thought you were gone for sure." Kim stayed quiet and listened. "I was scared when I was shot, but I knew I'd be ok. I was scared when you tried to kill yourself, but by the time I knew about it, I already knew you were ok. But that night...I was so scared you had died and I wasn't there to be with you," he whispered.  
  
Kim leaned up and looked at him. She saw the tears swimming in his eyes and leaned forward to kiss him. Jimmy's eyebrows raised in surprise, but he fully reciprocated. She pulled away and he stared up at her, "I didn't tell you that to get that kind of response if that's what you're thinking," he said quickly.  
  
Kim smiled, "I know that." She leaned down and kissed him again. Jimmy wrapped his arms around her again. Kim ran her hands under Jimmy's shirt and raked her nails lightly down his stomach. Jimmy tugged at the hem of Kim's shirt and pulled it off, throwing it on the floor. He kissed her deeper, pushing her back so he was hovering over her. Kim yanked his shirt over his head and tossed it over the edge.  
  
Jimmy placed his weight on his arms and looked down at her, her hair fanning across the pillow, her lips swollen from his kisses, her chest heaving with her quick breathing. "At the risk of sounding redundant, you're beautiful."  
  
Kim kissed him soundly and pulled back, "So are you," she smiled.  
  
"I prefer the term ruggedly handsome if you don't mind," he smiled when she laughed.  
  
"Oh sorry. Didn't mean to pop the he-man bubble that you live in," she smiled.  
  
"How about you stop talking and start kissing," he smiled and kissed her.  
  
Kim moaned when she felt his tongue enter her mouth again. He moved his kisses down her neck to the valley between her breasts to her soft stomach. He moved back up and reached behind her to undo her bra. It unsnapped and slackened and he slowly pulled it off, kissing her erect nipples. He heard her moan and smiled, sucking in earnest.  
  
Kim pulled at his shoulders until they were face to face again, She kissed him and pulled back, breathing roughly, "Jimmy please," she begged and kissed him again.  
  
Not in the mood to tease his hands slipped down her sides until they met the top of her sweats. He pulled them off swiftly. His hands hesitated at her underwear. He pulled back and looked at her, "Are you sure this is what you want?" he whispered, his breathing labored.  
  
Kim traced his lips with her fingers and he kissed her fingertips. She smiled, "This is what I want," she whispered.  
  
Jimmy slowly pulled down her underwear and tossed them to the side. He leaned up a little so she could repeat the process for him. Once they were both naked, he leaned over her just looking at her. She truly was beautiful and he had missed her so much. Kim looked in his eyes to try and see what he was thinking. She saw the love and it brought tears to her eyes. "I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but I love you very much," she whispered.  
  
Jimmy smiled, his eyes tearing too. He had spent so much time trying not to feel that when it was exactly what he did feel. He brushed the hair from her eyes, "I love you too, Kimmy."  
  
He pushed inside her, making them both gasp. Her legs opened wider to accommodate him and she pulled him closer, causing him to thrust deeper inside her. His lips made their way to hers, his tongue following the thrusting rhythm of his lower body. He moaned as her tight muscles squeezed him, "Too long," he grit out between his clenched teeth, "Too fucking long."  
  
Kim agreed and pulled him even closer. She could feel herself nearing her peak and started to shiver, "Please, Jimmy. I'm so close," she begged.  
  
Jimmy sped up his movements, knowing she was about to explode. Her whole body was shaking and she was gripping him so tight it bordered on pain. Her back arched violently and her whole body tensed, her mouth open in a silent scream. Jimmy followed right behind her, forcing his scream to downgrade to a groan. He slumped down on her, his entire body devoid of any energy.  
  
The fog of pleasure slowly cleared from Kim's brain. She ran her hands over Jimmy's back and kissed his shoulder. He moved slightly, causing them both to groan when he shifted inside her. He leaned up and looked down at her, "You ok?" he asked, kissing her forehead.  
  
"Sweaty," she smiled tiredly when he laughed.  
  
"You taste salty," he said, licking his lips from the kiss.  
  
Kim scrunched her nose, "Ew."  
  
"Not ew, yum," he smiled and kissed her lips.  
  
"I like you inside me," she purred.  
  
Jimmy's smile quickly faded and his eyes widened, "Oh god. I didn't wear a condom."  
  
Kim's eyes widened briefly, but she laughed when Jimmy was about to pull away, "Don't worry about it. I'm on the pill," she laughed at Jimmy's relieved look.  
  
"Thank God!" he sighed.  
  
"Not interested in having another Joey around," she smiled.  
  
Jimmy looked down at her and smiled, "Not yet," he said and kissed her lips. He rolled so that she was half laying on him, her head cushioned by his chest. He stroked her hair softly, "Sleep," he whispered.  
  
"I love you," she mumbled out already falling into dreamland.  
  
"I love you too, baby."   
  
@@@@@@@  
  
Jimmy awoke to find himself alone in bed. He remembered what happened a few hours before and groaned when he noticed Kim's close were gone. He quickly pulled on his sweats and walked to the bedroom door. Maybe he could find out how long she had been gone or try to call her.  
  
He ran out into the living room and stopped in his tracks. She was sitting on the couch, tying her shoes. She looked up at his hasty entrance, "Hey," she said, trying not to laugh at his disheveled appearance.  
  
Jimmy tried to slow down a bit. He walked to the couch and sat next to her, "So... how are you?" he asked cautiously.  
  
"I feel ok," she finished tying her shoes and sat back.  
  
"You wanna grab some breakfast or something," he asked, hopeful.  
  
Kim shook her head "I can't. I need to go home."  
  
"Oh. Well, maybe we could have lunch then," he tried again.  
  
"Can't. I have an appointment."  
  
Jimmy sighed and his head dropped back on the couch, "So I take it we are playing the games?"  
  
"Huh?" Kim asked in confusion.  
  
Jimmy rolled his head to look at her, "I'm sorry about last night."  
  
Kim's eyes widened, "You are?"  
  
Jimmy looked at her for a second, "Well, yeah. Isn't that what you want me to say?"  
  
Kim frowned, "Why would I want you to say that. It's not really the kind of thing a girl likes to hear first thing in the morning. Gives the wrong impression."  
  
"And sneaking out before the other person wakes up doesn't?" he asked incredulously.   
  
Kim just stared at him. She then started to giggle, "Is that what you think I'm doing?"  
  
"Well, trying to. But I ruined it and caught you before you could leave," he bit out, not appreciating her laughing.  
  
"Oh baby," she cooed and scooted close to him. She leaned over and kissed him soundly, laughing again at the shocked look on his face. "I'm not trying to sneak anywhere. I was gonna come tell you I was leaving. I need to go home and change because I have an appointment this afternoon."  
  
"So you're not sorry about last night?" he asked cautiously.  
  
"I'm not the one that said that, you are," she pointed out.  
  
Jimmy smiled and pulled her back to kiss her, "I lied."  
  
"Great way to start the day," she teased.  
  
"So, who are you blowing me off for for the rest of the day," he asked, playing with her hair.  
  
"I have an appointment with one of the department's grief counselors. I thought I should go and talk to somebody. Not that you didn't do a great job," she added quickly.  
  
Jimmy smiled. He couldn't express his relief that she was gonna talk to somebody, "Hopefully they won't use my technique," he teased her.  
  
"Definitely not," she laughed.   
  
  
  
Jimmy looked at her neck and saw Alex's necklace resting there. "It looks beautiful on you," he said, pointing to the necklace.  
  
Kim smiled and touched it gently, "It belonged to a beautiful person." She looked at Jimmy, "You know, I think I'll be free tonight. Maybe you should ask me to dinner."  
  
Jimmy laughed, "Maybe I will." He pulled her close, "I love you Kim," he whispered in her ear.  
  
"I love you too," she whispered back. 


End file.
